Vain Attempt at Regulation Only Makes Telecom’s Supernatural Powers Grow Stronger

March 2006

wellington -The Government’s proposal to unbundle the local loop from Telecom looks to have backfired, as the enraged telecommunications giant dramatically quadrupled in strength Monday. Citizens awoke to find that Telecom had demonically seized control of 60 percent of New Zealand’s electricity generating capacity, and had also become majority shareholders in TV3. “Foolish mortals!”, said Telecom CEO Theresa Gattung. “Your pathetic attempts to control us only increase our powers”. The government is reported to be hastily revising plans to split Telecom into wholesale and retail branches, after Xtra customers received letters demanding their first-born child in return for continued internet access.